Goodbye, for now

Hello everyone.

First, sorry for the annoying sign in page. It was the only option I really had to save my content or just delete the blog, so I put the sign in page up while I tried to decide what to do.

I’m feeling increasingly uneasy about blogging, given my desire to remain relatively anonymous. It no longer seems worth the risk.

I have truly loved blogging. I’ve enjoyed connecting with my real-life friends and my new virtual friends this way. I’ve enjoyed processing the events of my life in writing. I’ve enjoyed looking for the humor in every day so I can share it with you. I’ve enjoyed writing, and I’ve loved having an audience. So that’s why I’ve had such a hard time quitting. But it seems like the smart thing to do for now.

Thank you, so much, for reading. Maybe I’ll grow some balls and be back sometime soon.



Talk to him

Just an offhand comment from one of the kids. An innocent comment, about something from the past.

Pierce, into my heart. Or really, my stomach. That’s where anxiety, fear and jealously live.

Leave the room, go upstairs, read. Separate. Stop talking. Pout.

Act standoffish when Loverman comes up to find out why I’m hiding. Tell him it’s nothing.

Hear his repeated, patient requests to tell him. Tell him. Feel childish, but still hurt, when telling him.

Hear him tell me about what’s hurting me. Realize it’s not at all what I thought. Realize that what really happened totally negates what I was feeling hurt and jealous about.

Hear him tell me some more things. About me. About him. About me and him. About love.

Tell myself, again and again and again, to talk to him.

A little alone goes a long way

By the end of last week, I felt simultaneously that my head was caving in and was filled with rocks. I was swamped at work, stressed out at home, and even quarreled with Loverman. Over nothing. Picked a fight. By Friday I was uttering things like, “What’s the use…”, “I shouldn’t expect to be happy….” and “It’s just another burden on my back. Why fight it. This is life…”

Errin called at work on Friday and heard all this and ordered me to turn off my computer, go home, lay on the couch, have a beer and watch Oprah. I did. It helped, a little, but the view from the couch was still bleak.

Then came Saturday morning. Loverman had a recording gig to do so I was home alone from about 8 a.m. to 1 p.m.

I cleaned. I listened to music. I did four loads of laundry. I organized. I petted the cats. I straightened the pictures on the walls.

As each hour ticked by my mood steadily improved. Up, up and up. By the time Loverman got home I was all smiles. Fixed.

Alone time at home, sometimes, is just what the doctor ordered. I have to remember this. Remember this next time my head fills with rocks.

“I feel like I hit restart on my computer,” I told Loverman.

“It sounds more like defrag,” he said.

Defrag. Exactly.

But they always seemed like such nice, quiet neighbors…

Friday of course we were all riveteted by the news of another major terrorist plot foiled, this time in Boston. This time, involving cartoon characters. Will those freedom-hating bastards stop at nothing?

So imagine my shock and awe when Loverman and I returned home Saturday night from a night on the town (okay, we were at the movies) and saw THIS on my neighbors’ doorstep:


I didn’t know what to make of it, until I opened up the New York Times this morning and saw that this little fella is the same one that caused Boston to shut down, tear its hair out and weep for its mama last week.

I don’t know these neighbors. Their duplex is next to our house, but they’re on the far side of it and I think they’re out of town alot. The tenants before them were felons who stole an entire truckload of air conditioners and sewing machines and stashed them in the duplex. Apparently our little ‘hood was cased out by federal agents (because it was an interstate commerce violation) for weeks before the bust went down. When it finally did go down, I was on vacation and missed the whole thing.

But not this time. I’ll be keeping an eye out for Yosemite Sam and maybe even Wile E. Coyote to come and bust my neighbors for their cartoonish violations. Anything for national security, after all.


whitechristmas.jpgWoke up today to one of my favorite sights, a winter wonderland. Snow! The kids were with us last night so we got to see their excitement too.

You won’t catch me feeling like a Von Trapp family member often. But sometimes, when we talk about snow with the kids, we all break into a few lines of this somewhat goofy song from White Christmas. I always feel very wholesome and VonTrappy when we do so. In honor of last night’s precipitation, I give you “Snow,” by Bing Crosby.

It won’t be long before we’ll all be there with snow
I want to wash my hands, my face and hair with snow

I long to clear a path and lift a spade of snow
Oh, to see a great big man entirely made of snow

Where it’s snowing
All winter through
That’s where I want to be
Snowball throwing
That’s what I’ll do
How I’m longing to ski
Through the snow-oh-oh-oh-oh

Those glist’ning houses that seem to be built of snow
Oh, to see a mountain covered with a quilt of snow

What is Christmas with no snow
No white Christmas with no snow

I’ll soon be there with snow
I’ll wash my hair with snow
And with a spade of snow
I’ll build a man that’s made of snow
I’d love to stay up with you but I recommend a little shuteye
Go to sleep
And dream
Of snow

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